Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im holly from the hills drunk
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
