Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
