Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish you could order shots online.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
