summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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