Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
