if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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