I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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