i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
