one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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