theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
