In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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