Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
