Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
