But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize