he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Enjoy the penises
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
