I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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