What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I will be naked everywhere
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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