i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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