Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize