I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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