someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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