My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
