She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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