Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
