i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
