I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
what day is it and did you see me today?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize