I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
