Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
