So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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