Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
