Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
