She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize