Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
