I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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