based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
