I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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