so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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