im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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