i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
