I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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