I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize