Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
