i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize