Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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