I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
whose ass print is on the piano?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
