So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
