I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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