he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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