he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
