Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
