worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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