Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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