He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
