I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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