Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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