guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
