She's JV to your varsity
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
