Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
