y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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