I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
