idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
