you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
