What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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