I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
