even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
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