If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
