You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
