Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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