it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
