walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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