Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
