Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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