when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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