so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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