the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
