My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
