I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
