dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
