Welp...herpes.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize