New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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