the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
