he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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