shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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