about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
