I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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