Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
