Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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