i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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