I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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