They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Are we still banned from the library?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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