hotel room ftw
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
