you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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