Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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