He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
