Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
