i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
