420 ftw
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
